The Unpainted Masterpiece - Jewell Ellen Smith

THE UNPAINTED MASTERPIECE

A Play for Christmas by Jewell Ellen Smith

Nonprofit groups may perform this drama without payment, but Jewell’s children ask that if you do plan to perform it, that you e-mail her older son David at DSmith1204@aol.com, as we keep a list of the number of performances of each play. All Scripture quotations are from the King James Version.

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Key Verse: "Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord." --Luke 2:10, 11

Time: Friday before Christmas, 1976, Also: the first day of spring, 1506.

Place: Bluff City, USA, a deep South town known chiefly as the site of a State Prison and Bluff City College. These institutions are situated side by side.
Also: Florence, Italy, where Leonardo da Vinci has his studio in his residence.

Dominant Theme: There is a God, who answers the prayers of man.

When He came down to earth as the Christ Child born in Bethlehem, a host of angels told the shepherds there in the fields how to find Him. A great star guided wise kings to His side.

But, now, in this present age of turmoil and confusion, tragedy, pestilence and war, it is almost impossible for any man to find his way to Bethlehem and to God, unless another man becomes his guide.

The Characters, in the order of their appearance:

Prison Guard

Bill and Leo, prison inmates

Rev. Ditchfield, a Methodist pastor

Judge Oliver

Warden Greene

Mrs. Oliver

Miss Malory, a college instructor

Drama students: Andy, Ben, Nicole, and Katie

Mrs. Ditchfield

The Virgin Mary

Joseph

Shepherds & Angels

The Three Kings & King Herod

Church Choir

Church Congregation

Pianist

Mini-drama cast:

Leonardo da Vinci

Lorenzo, a servant

Angel Messenger

Father Moretti, the local priest

Signora Miseno, a seamstress

Clare, Lorenzo's granddaughter

Models for the mural (not listed above):

Christ Child, a small goat, two birds in a cage

Note to director: It will be obvious that at least six players in ACT I can do two roles. They are: the judge, Miss Malory, and students Andy, Ben, Nicole, and Katie. Other combinations are possible, e.g., some choir and congregation members can appear in the mural; Mrs. Oliver and Mrs. Ditchfield could be in the Church Congregation.

There are 18 speaking parts.

The Sequence of Scenes

ACT I: The State Prison yard, on Friday morning.

ACT II:
Scene 1. College drama classroom, on Friday morning.
Scene 2. Rev. Ditchfield's study, on Friday afternoon.
Scene 2A Warden Greene's office, on Friday afternoon.
Scene 3. Rev. Ditchfield's study, on Friday afternoon.

ACT III:
Scene 1. The Bluff City Methodist Church, Sunday night.
Scene 2. Leonardo da Vinci's studio, Florence, Italy, 1506
Scene 3. Leonardo da Vinci's studio, Florence, Italy, 1507
Scene 4. Rev. Ditchfield's study on Sunday night and Monday morning.
Scene 5. The State Prison yard, on Monday morning.

THE STORY TOLD

Two former students of Bluff City College, Leo and Bill-alias "Loonie Leo" and "Billy-the-Goat"-have become inmates in the state prison adjacent to the college campus. This, following their conviction for a bank robbery that was actually a foolish fraternity stunt gone awry.

On Friday morning before Christmas (1976) Leo and Bill volunteer to plant a batch of rose bushes and tulip bulbs donated to the prison by local garden club ladies.

Before the flower project gets underway, a prison gate guard becomes much interested in a how-to book on hypnotism which Leo is reading. The guard persuades Leo to try out the book's instructions on him and Bill. To Leo's surprise both fellows enter a trance-like state. And when the guard carelessly leaves all his keys where Leo can pick them up, Leo grabs the gate key, opens the gate, and runs.

Leo gets to the college, ducks inside the first building, and finds himself in the midst of a class of drama students who are doing impersonations. They are performing before a local pastor and a judge's wife. He is searching for a student to play the role of Leonardo da Vinci in a church play. She needs a student Santa Claus for a party planned for a group of orphans.

Leo is chosen to play both roles. He goes home with the minister and begins a marathon rehearsal effort to learn the Leonardo da Vinci lines in the church drama titled THE UNPAINTED MASTERPIECE.

Meantime, the prison warden and Leo's pal Bill have discovered that Leo has disappeared. Bill is distraught. He tells the warden that he has prayed day and night for God to get him and Leo out of prison, though Leo thinks there is no God.

Further, Bill reasons, if God did help Leo escape, that will cause Leo to believe in God. But, Bill tells the warden, if the warden spreads the alarm and Leo is dragged back, Leo will never believe in God. Thus, the warden will be hindering God Himself.

The warden telephones the minister to ask his advice, but he fails to mention Leo's name. The minister advises the warden to go slow on any official action.

It is not until the minister speaks with Bill that he discovers that the handsome, talented fellow in his study is the escaped convict. The minister instantly decides to take a wait-and-see approach to the situation, lest he, too, begin to "hinder God." And, lest both the party for the orphans and the church Christmas play go down the drain. The minister tells no one--especially not Leo--that he has discovered Leo's identity.

Leo plays the da Vinci role brilliantly. The fictional drama about how the great Italian artist painted the Blessed Bambino in Bethlehem--complete with angels and shepherds and Orient Kings-brings down the house.

Then comes Monday morning and reality. And with reality comes Leo's decision that there is a God, who answers prayers.

Further, Leo sees that when God came down to earth as the Christ Child born in Bethlehem, a host of angels told the shepherds there in the fields how to find Him. A great star guided wise kings to His side. But, now, in this present age of turmoil and confusion, tragedy, pestilence and war, it is almost impossible for any man to find his way to Bethlehem and to God, unless another man becomes his guide.

SCRIPT

ACT I - Scene 1

Scene 1: It is mid-morning on the Friday before Christmas, 1976. In the exercise yard of the State Prison a gate guard walks to and fro along the fence, clapping his gloved hands together in an effort to keep warm. From his belt hangs a cumbersome key chain on which there are many keys and on his right hip he carries a revolver.

The prison gate is secured with a chain fastened with a very large Yale padlock. Beyond the gate, at some distance, is a sign reading:

BLUFF CITY COLLEGE
A Liberal Arts School
Founded in 1897

Leo and Bill, former college students, who are serving time in the State Prison, enter. They wear the required black and white striped prison uniforms. And, caps.

Bill is pushing a wheelbarrow in which there are a post-hole digger, 2 shovels, a rake, a hoe, and a sack of commercial fertilizer. Leo has a paperback book in one hand, a trowel in the other. He is absorbed in the book, and it is obvious that he couldn't care less about the flower-planting project at hand.

Bill, though, is genuinely interested in the rose bushes and tulip bulbs which the two have volunteered to plant.

GUARD: Halt!

The prisoners stop abruptly. Leo shoves the sack of fertilizer to one side, sits down in the wheelbarrow, and continues reading. Bill straightens up his back, rubs it.

BILL: Whew! That's heavy!

GUARD: What do you birds think you're doing? Puts on his glasses. Let me get a good look at you two! Peers at convicts. I know you both! You're "Loonie Leo" Points to Leo and they call you Pointing to Bill "Billy-the-Goat." Right?

LEO: That's us! You can just call us "Loon" and "Goat."

GUARD: Don't try to be a smart-alec! How come y'all ain't out with the road gang this mornin'?

BILL: We're volunteers.

GUARD: Volunteers for what?

LEO: To plant flowers. Rose bushes and tulips!

GUARD: I don't believe you!

BILL: Warden Greene said for us to do it.

LEO: I've done seen the rose bushes. And the warden is waiting in his office-this very minute--for a garden club lady and Reverend Ditchfield to bring the tulips.

GUARD: You'd better be tellin' the truth! All you convicts are pretty much alike. I can't trust none of you-especially one like you, "Loonie Leo."

LEO: How is that? Is it 'cause I'm so handsome?

GUARD: No. You're plenty ugly! But you're always readin' a book! You've been in this pen nearly a year already and I've never seen you when you didn't have some sort of book in your hand or stuffed in your pocket. What're you readin' there today?

LEO: holding up book Oh, this is real interesting. Title is:

"HYPNOSIS THROUGH THE AGES
How Sorcerers and Wizards of Olden Times
And Modern Practitioners
Could and Can Employ the
Ancient Art of Hypnotism"

GUARD: showing uncommon interest Does it tell you how to hypnotize somebody?

LEO: I haven't got that far yet. I'm still on the history part of it. It says that in the early days hypnotism was referred to as "the evil eye." Really there--

GUARD: Yeah! I've heard of "puttin' the evil eye" on somebody!

LEO: Really there is no evil in it. Some folks say there's magic in it. But that's not so. This book says it's just like going to sleep. You sort of dream and you know that you are dreaming.

GUARD: What happens after you get to sleep?

LEO: It says here that "the hypnotized person sees, hears, tastes, smells, and feels what the operator says he sees, hears, tastes, smells, and feels--nothing more. And when he wakes up he usually doesn't remember being hypnotized."

GUARD: Can just anybody hypnotize anybody else?

LEO: According to this book, they can. Listen to this: Reads "The hypnotic process may be set in motion by any person who possesses the necessary intelligence and will-power, quite regardless of his social, religious, ethnic, or moral status."

GUARD: That sounds good! Say, when you finish readin' that book, maybe you could learn me how to do it!

LEO: Sure. That is, I'll try.

GUARD: Maybe I'll hypnotize my wife an' make her quit spendin' all my money! Yeah man! I'd sure like to "put the evil eye" on that bossy gal!

Bill notes approach of warden, and three companions.

BILL: Yonder they come! See? They've got the flowers. Just like we told you!

GUARD: Yeah. I see. I'd better get back to my gate!

Hurries to his post. Begin Scene 2--without a break.

Scene 2-Enter Warden Greene, Mrs. Oliver, Reverend Ditchfield, and Judge Oliver. The warden and Mrs. Oliver are carrying most of the bulbs and bundles of rose bushes. The other two, lagging behind, are involved in a deep discussion of state politics and needed prison improvements. The two carry a few of the rose bushes.

Mrs. Oliver, her face almost hidden by her floppy-brimmed hat, is fluttering along trying to keep up with the warden. She is hampered by her fancy walking cane and her ornate, over-sized purse--not to mention her high-heeled shoes.

LEO: in half whisper Bill?

BILL: in low tone What?

LEO: You notice anything familiar about that man walking right behind the warden?

BILL: No, nothin' special. That's Reverend Ditchfield in the black coat.

LEO: Quick! Pull your cap down, like this. Yanks his own cap far down over his eyes.

Bill adjusts his cap.

BILL: What's the idea?

LEO: That man is the judge who sent us here! Let's don't let him see who we are.

BILL: OK. But he probably wouldn't remember us. Judges send poor wretches to jail by the dozen! Every day! Some of 'em as innocent as me and you!

LEO: I guess you're right.

Judge Oliver and Reverend Ditchfield pause, keep talking. Audience hears snatches of their conversation.

REV. D.: Judge Oliver, you're a personal friend of the governor, aren't you?

JUDGE: Right! The governor and I go way back. Fact is, Charlie and I are a little bit of kin--on my mother's side. I'd say Charlie is a pretty decent man. Not too bright. But he has made a fairly good governor--considering everything.

REV. D.: I agree--considering.

JUDGE: I think I'll fire off a letter to the Governor and invite him to come down here and see this prison.

REV. D.: Do that, Judge. We need... voice trails off.

WARDEN GREENE: Still at Mrs. Ditchfield's side, calling Boys?

BILL & LEO: Yes, Sir?

WARDEN: still in calling tone Come get some of these bulbs and rose bushes! Help the judge's wife!

Boys hurry to Mrs. Oliver and warden. Judge O. and Rev. D. pay no attention to Leo and Bill, so absorbed are they in their discussion.

JUDGE: Ditchfield, it's like I've said all along--it's a matter of getting the legislature to appropriate more funds. They know this prison is old and overcrowded. Still, they don't act.

REV. D.: Except to raise their own salaries!

Both laugh.

JUDGE: That, they do!

REV. D.: Of course I dream of one day building a fine prison chapel--right here on this very spot.

Warden approaches judge and reverend.

WARDEN. Here, Judge, let me take these bundles.

Both men hand over rose bush bundles, keep talking; warden returns to Mrs. Oliver, Leo and Bill.

JUDGE: You're doing a wonderful volunteer work here, Ditchfield. Our whole church appreciates it.

REV. D: Thank you.

JUDGE: I think I will fire off a letter to the governor and mention your idea for building a chapel here. I'll tell him... voice trails off

Leo and Bill help Mrs. Oliver get her sacks of bulbs into the wheelbarrow.

MRS. OLIVER: gushing friendliness Oh, you dear "Zebra Boys!" Thank you, very much!

LEO: "Zebra Boys"?

MRS. O.: Yes, that's what I call all you dear young men wearing these striped suits! "Zebra Boys!" Every time the judge and I drive past this dreary old prison and we see you all out here in the exercise yard, I say:

"Oh, those poor creatures! They look just like zebras in the zoo, walking around on their hind legs!"

LEO: Yes, ma'am.

MRS. O.: Judge Ollie--that's what I call my husband--Judge Ollie just murmurs: "Yes, Molly Dear, whatever you say" and keeps on driving down the street. The only reason the judge is with me this morning is that later on he has a board meeting over at the college.

LEO: Yes, ma'am.

MRS. O.: to Bill and Leo Now, about these tulip bulbs and the climbing roses--are you the ones who will actually do the planting?

LEO: Yes, ma'am. Bill here, and me.

BILL: We volunteered for the job.

Warden joins three.

MRS. O.: That's fine! Warden Greene, is it all right for me to give our volunteers a little instruction on the way to plant all these tulips?

WARDEN: Yes, Ma'am, Miss Molly! You tell 'em exactly what to do. How far you want 'em from the fence. How deep. How close together. Ever’thing. 'Cause they won't know unless you do tell 'em.

Now, you fellows listen carefully and do precisely what Miss Molly says.

LEO & BILL: mumbling Yes, Sir.

Warden strolls over to join judge and reverend.

MRS. O.: Well, all right! First, let me explain to you that there are eight running rose bushes--all red.

They are to be planted: one on each side of the four prison gates--starting here at the side gate and going on around. If I were you, I'd pick out the best two bushes and put them here next to the college campus.

Looks at bushes, puts the two best aside.

I'd say about two feet from each side of the gate. The first one about where that guard is standing. Dig a right deep hole, put in the fertilizer, mix in some dirt. And then you really ought to have some water to pour in.

BILL: Yes, ma'am. We'll get some water. No problem.

MRS. O: Pack the dirt down firm around the roots. And rake some leaves around each bush, as a sort of mulch. We don't want 'em to freeze.

LEO: Yes, ma'am.

MRS. O.: Now, planting these tulip bulbs is not going to be so easy! Because of the different colors and what I think was a silly vote the garden club ladies took.

LEO: How do you mean?

MRS. O.: Well, you see, the Daffodil Garden Club donated the red tulips. Then, at the last minute, they got some daffodils--straight from Holland, they said.

The Bluff City Rose Society bought the roses and the sack of yellow tulips.

The Day Lilly Alliance insisted on getting purple bulbs.

Then, there was a big misunderstanding on where to plant each color. Each club wanted its bulbs by the front entrance, and under no circumstances along the back or side fence, and especially not by the kitchen entrance. This fuss went on for weeks! It started in September, and here it is the Friday before Christmas! Finally, the ladies appointed a committee, and the committee voted to plant the bulbs "equally and by color!"

BILL: Just how, Ma'am?

MRS. O.: First, a red bulb. Then a yellow bulb. Next a purple bulb. Then, a daffodil.

Next, start all over: Red. Yellow. Purple. Then, a daffodil.

Again, Red. Yellow. Purple. Then a daffodil. And so on. Do you understand?

BILL: Yes, Ma'am. I think so.

LEO: I've got it: Red! Yellow! Purple! Then a daffodil! All in a row. Beside the fence?

MRS. O.: That's right. The sacks are labeled. Now, set the bulbs about three inches deep, and I'd say 12 inches apart.

Be sure the root end is down, the sprouting end up. We don't want the poor bulbs to have to turn a flip to keep from coming up in China!

Molly and boys laugh.

JUDGE: calling to his wife Molly Dear, come along now!

MRS. O.: to boys He's going to say: "It's getting late!"

JUDGE: It's getting late!

MRS. O.: still to boys What did I tell you! Raises voice to answer her husband I'm coming, Judge Ollie!

Turns back to Leo and Bill.

Thank you, dear "Zebra Boys!"

Starts to leave again, returns.

If you don't mind telling me, why are you two fine young men in this prison? You look like college students! You ought to be on the other side of this fence, attending classes!

BILL: It was all a mistake! Turns to Leo. You tell her what happened.

LEO: Well, Ma'am, we were students at Bluff City College this time last year. And we had both pledged a fraternity--dear old Delta Delta Gamma!

Then, when initiation time came, one of the stunts they told us to pull was to, quote, unquote, "rob the bank."

BILL: There were six of us.

LEO: Yes, six, and the president told me it would all be a big joke. But I wasn't to tell the others. He said his uncle was the bank president's cousin and he'd let him in on the fun.

So, we got ourselves some toy guns, some black socks to cover our faces. Even sacks to put the money in. And we marched down to the Bluff City National Bank-in broad daylight!

BILL: Don't forget the play money the tellers were to hand over!

LEO: Yes, play money! When we went sauntering into the bank, what we didn't know was that a real bank robbery was in progress! We got caught right in the middle of it!

The alarm system went off, the surveillance cameras were grinding away. Somebody called the police. And the next thing we knew the police were there!

They grabbed me and Bill! The real robbers got away. The four other pledges high-tailed it back to campus. But we got hauled off to jail. Then, at the trial--

JUDGE: impatiently Molly Dear! Come, come, now!

MRS. O.: I'm coming! I'm coming! Bye-bye, "Zebra Boys." I'm sorry I can't hear the rest of your story. hesitates Oh, I didn't even learn your names. One of you is "Bill" and that's all I know!

JUDGE: Molly!

MRS. O.: When he leaves off the "Dear," he means it! Hurries to group of men.

BILL: She seemed like a real nice lady.

LEO: Yeah. Oh well, names don't mean a thing here. We're just numbers. Numbers who'll never get out!

BILL: Don't say that, Leo. You know I pray to God! Ever' day! He's gon'na get us out--somehow.

LEO: You pray to God ever' day! And you're-- you're-- you're foolish! There is no God! He can't answer prayers 'cause He doesn't exist!

BILL: You're wrong! I know God is up in heaven and he answers prayers! You'll see!

LEO: Right now I see we've got a thousand of these dang tulip bulbs to plant!

Leo and Bill turn to task at hand.

JUDGE: Molly Dear, the warden wants us to have a cup of coffee with him. However--

MRS. O.: How nice! A hot cup of coffee is just what I need! Or tea. Do you have any tea, Warden Greene?

WARDEN: Oh yes, Miss Molly! We keep tea on hand.

JUDGE: consulting his watch Molly Dear, in five minutes I'm supposed to be over at the college for that board meeting! Now, the reverend here has an appointment with--

MRS. O: But, Judge Ollie, I can just taste that tea! You could--

JUDGE: Let me finish what I was saying! I'll drive on over to the college, and you stay here and come later with the reverend.

REV. DITCHFIELD: Yes, Miss Molly, you wait and ride with me. Our Miss Malory--you know Miss Malory. She sings in our choir--Miss Malory has invited me to the college to sit in on one of the drama classes. I'm looking for some players to fill in on our Christmas presentation.

MRS. O.: Well, thank you, Reverend. That'll be just fine.

JUDGE: Warden, Shakes hands with warden I hope to see you again soon.

WARDEN: Yes, of course.

Judge exits hurriedly. Rev. D., the warden and Mrs. O. stroll off stage at a leisurely pace, talking as they go.

MRS. O.: So, you're going to visit a drama class?

REV. D.: Yes. I simply have to recruit a sharp actor for our Christmas drama at the church.

MRS. O.: Oh, the Christmas plays are always just wonderful!

REV. D.: I had high hopes this year, for the play is new and quite unusual. Then yesterday the lead actor came down with the flu!

WARDEN: I understand there's something of a flu epidemic in and around Bluff City. We've had quite an outbreak here at the prison. Ten confirmed cases, the doctor told me this morning. And two of my guards are ... Voice trails off.

Begin Scene 3, without a break.

Scene 3-Leo and Bill take careful stock of the bulbs and rose bushes. They stack the sacks of bulbs into the wheelbarrow, lay the shovels, etc. aside.

LEO: I'll tell you, Bill, we've got a job on our hands!

BILL: You reckon we'll ever get finished?

LEO: Oh, sure! picks up post-hole digger Let's plant the rose bushes first.

BILL: Suits me.

LEO: How 'bout you going to get a bucket of water-like the lady said.

BILL: Sure.

Exits. Guard hurries over to Leo.

GUARD: Say, before y'all start plantin' them flowers, how would it be if you skim through your hypnotism book an' tell me a little of what it says. I sure would like to learn how to hypnotize "Lady Hazel!"

LEO: Lady Hazel?

GUARD: My wife! Remember I told you she spends my money faster than I can make it, and if I could--

LEO: Oh, yeah! I remember. You want to "put the evil eye" on your wife.

GUARD: Yeah! If I could get her into a trance, maybe she'd hand over all them credit cards to me!

LEO: That's a possibility.

Leo takes book from his pocket, starts thumbing through pages.

Well, let me see here. Reads "Dr. James Braid of England originated the word 'hypnotism' in 1841. He was a highly respected--"

GUARD: Never mind that part. Get on down to the how-to!

LEO: I'm coming to it. Reads again "Dr. Braid gave public exhibitions of hypnotism, brought on by inviting the subjects to blank their minds and gaze on a bright object. This, he moved back and forth until--"

GUARD: with enthusiasm A bright object? Ah, I've got the very thing! Grabs key chain from his belt, starts jangling it around. These keys are bright! Oh, better yet: my watch! Grandpappy's gold watch! Tosses keys on the wheelbarrow, zips out a large gold pocket watch on a rather long chain. See?

LEO: Yeah, that's plenty bright. Keeps reading Ah, here's an important detail: Reads "It is essential to see that the person to be hypnotized is perfectly comfortable. He should be advised to assume a completely passive attitude...."

GUARD: What's a "passive attitude?"

LEO: That means to just let yourself go. Sort of float along without any resistance, without any worry on what is going to happen.

GUARD: I see.

LEO: reading "The practitioner then gives a series of suggestions.... These are repeated in a monotonous voice, over and over. The suggestions are always of a concrete and vivid nature. The practitioner may--"

GUARD: That's gettin' complicated. Just who is this practitioner?

LEO: They mean the person doing the hypnotizing.

GUARD: Oh, yeah. Of course.

Enter Bill, with huge bucket of water.

BILL: Say! What are you fellows doing? Leo, I thought you'd have the first hole dug by now.

LEO: Not yet. We're trying to learn how to hypnotize people.

BILL: You sound like you mean it.

GUARD: We do! I'm the main one who wants to learn how. Say, Bill! I've got an idea! Let's me and you get Leo to see if he can hypnotize us! That way, we'll see how it's done!

BILL: Well, uh-- uh-- Ok, I'm game if you are! Leo, it won't hurt us none, will it?

LEO: Na-ah! It won't hurt you. There's not much to it. This book says two or three times that it's just sort of like going to sleep. And in a little while you'll wake up. And you won't remember a thing about sleeping--so I understand.

Y'all just come over here and sit down--so you'll be comfortable.

Leads two over to a bench not far from the gate. Guard has forgotten all about the keys. These remain in the wheelbarrow. The other two don't notice them.

GUARD: You need this gold watch? Holds it out

LEO: Yeah, I sure do. Takes, admires watch It sure is a pretty watch. I don't think my grandpa ever had a gold watch.

Leo becomes a bit uncertain of himself.

Now, fellows, I'm gon'na go right by the book. Y'all just follow along, take it easy, and slow, and relax.

Voice becomes progressively softer, soothing.

Sort of blank your mind, and float along. Close your eyes and imagine that you're beside a beautiful lake, where there are old shade trees, draped with moss. And you see the sun going down, down, down. Open your eyes now to see the Moon come up. Shows watch It is the harvest Moon. Big. And round. And made of gold. See how it seems to stop. Pauses

Then, the Moon begins to move back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Swings gold watch in front of their faces. The big golden Moon never tires of going back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. The Moon keeps on and on, back and forth, back and forth.

The two subjects begin moving their heads to and fro, following the motion of the watch with their eyes.

The Moon is like a jolly, sleepy clown. Raise your right hand and wave to the Moon clown, wave to Mister Moon clown.

To Leo's amazement his subjects raise their hands and wave. Leo gasps!

Uh-- Uh-- Uh-- Say "Hellooooooo, Mister Moon! Helloooooooo!"

BILL & GUARD: in same tone as Leo used Helloooooooo, Mister Moon! Hellooooooooo!

LEO: to himself, frantically Great Scott! I've done it! Wow! Now, what'll I do? Looks in book It doesn't say what to do! Maybe I ought to keep going! Yeah! That's it!

Resumes soothing, singsong tone.

Mister Moon lovv-vv-v-es to see the flowers bloom. Mister Moon wants you to plant some flowers. He is saying: "Men, plant the tulips. Men, plant the tulips. Plant the tulips. And the daffodils."

Both subjects stand; each picks up a sack of bulbs.

Say to Mister Moon: "We will plant the tulips. We will plant the tulips. We will plant the tulips, and the daffodils."

BILL & GUARD: in Leo's monotonous tone We will plant the tulips. We will plant the tulips. We will plant the tulips, and the daffodils.

LEO: still very soothingly, monotonously Plant them by the kitchen fence. Plant them like the lady said: Red. Yellow. Purple. And then a daffodil. Red. Yellow. Purple. And then a daffodil. All in a row, all in a row, all in a row. Red. Yellow. Purple. And then a daffodil.

Subjects take up the chant, move slowly off stage as if in a trance.

BILL & GUARD: in unison By the kitchen fence. All in a row. All in a row. All in a row. Red. Yellow. Purple. And then a daffodil. Red. Yellow. Purple. And then a daffodil. Red. Yellow. Purple. And then a daffodil. Red. Yellow... Voices fade as two disappear

Leo is greatly shaken over what he has done.

LEO: to himself I can't believe it! I actually hypnotized both of 'em! I had no idea it would work! Oh man! What'll I do?

Notices guard's keys, carelessly draped over the side of the wheelbarrow.

The keys! Grabs up keys, tosses hypnotism book aside That dummy left all his keys! I-- I-- My stars! I can get out of here! Yeah! Escape!

But, what if-- Pause I'd be a fool if I didn't do it! A blitherin' idiot-fool!

Runs to gate, tries one key and quickly two or three more. Voice takes on urgent tone.

There's a dozen keys here! Surely one of 'em is gon’na fit this lock! Ah, this one does it! It works!

Grabs off lock, opens gate, darts out, runs back inside, puts gold watch in the wheelbarrow.

I'll leave the watch here. He'll find it.

Starts out again, comes back.

I won't need these keys no more!

Leaves keys beside watch in wheelbarrow, runs out the gate, closes it, and locks it behind himself, just as it had been. Exits in a fast run-toward the college sign.

End of ACT I

ACT II, Scene 1

Scene 1 - A classroom in the Drama Department of Bluff City College. It is Friday morning before Christmas, a few minutes before time for the Drama 101 class to meet. Miss Malory, a pert, vivacious young instructor is at her desk, grading and sorting papers as she awaits the arrival of her 11 o'clock students, Rev. Ditchfield, and Mrs. Oliver.

The room is sparsely furnished, with five or six student chairs, two straight chairs, and a blackboard. There are posters on the wall, traditional masks, and a portrait of Shakespeare. In the corner is a portable spotlight. A side door has a sign above it reading: COSTUMES.

A bell rings in the outside hallway. Two giggling girls and two boys enter, ease themselves into the chairs, plop their books and notebooks down. In a jolly mood, they swap small talk.

ANDY: Ben, what time does your plane take off?

BEN: At 1:00 PM. And if I miss it, my mother will kill me!

NICOLE: I started to cut this class so I could get packed. But my grade in dear Drama 101 is so low I couldn't afford it!

BEN: Katie, what are you doing for the holidays? Staying on campus?

KATIE: No! Never! Christmas Eve I'm going over to my aunt's house.

ANDY: lowering his voice I wonder what Miss Malory is going to have us do this morning?

NICOLE: I hope to heaven she doesn't spring another pop quiz on the history of Greek Drama! I made a flat "F" Monday! How was I to know that the word "tragedy" in Greek means "cry of the goat" or "goat song?"

BEN: Why, Nicole! That's the kind of stuff we learn in Drama 101! All about Greek goats!

NICOLE: in playful tone Aw, Ben, you're so silly!

BEN: Not me!

Hallway bell sounds again, students get quiet, Miss Malory stands.

MISS M.: Good morning, class!

STUDENTS: in chorus Good morning!

MISS M.: Where is everybody? Already gone for Christmas?

BEN: That's it, Ma'am! Other students murmur agreement.

MISS M.: The front office notified me a new student is to audit this class, starting today. Have you seen anything of a young fellow looking for the Drama 101 classroom?

BEN: I haven't seen him, Ma'am.

ANDY: Me, neither.

NICOLE: Is he good looking?

KATIE: How old is he?

MISS M.: Now, now, girls!

All laugh.

MISS M.: Now, Class, we have an unusual situation this morning. You're going to have a chance to audition for parts in a local Christmas pageant. And, one of you might get to be Santa Claus at a party.

BEN: Did you say audition?

MISS M.: That's what I said. An unusual one, but an audition, none the less. You see, Reverend Ditchfield, who's pastor of my church, and a Mrs. Oliver, the wife of Judge Nathan Oliver--I'm sure you've heard of our famous Judge Oliver--are coming to look for one or more talented students to participate in a church presentation and in some annual party for a group of orphans. I think the party is to be in the Oliver home.

KATIE: They're coming this morning?

MISS M.: Yes. Pretty soon now, I hope. So, this is what I want you four to do. Go into the costume room and put on something-for any character you'd like to impersonate. Then--

BEN: But, Miss Malory, I won't be here! My plane leaves in exactly two hours and fifty minutes!

MISS M.: In that case, you please operate the spotlight for us. Focus it right about here. indicates place

BEN: That, I'll do!

MISS M.: One by one each character will enter, step into the spotlight, and do an impromptu little act.

Not too long, now. One minute or two. Three, at the most. We have all manner of costumes; so pick out something good. And remember what I've been trying to teach you the whole semester!

Three students scurry into costume room. Ben sets up spotlight, tests it. At a knock on the door, Miss Malory invites Rev. Ditchfield and Mrs. Oliver to come in.

MISS M.: Good morning, Mrs. Oliver! Good morning, Reverend. You all come right in. You're just in time.

MRS. O.: Ah, Miss Malory, it's good to see you.

REV. D.: Hello, Miss Malory. Thank you for letting us come to your class. Where are all the students?

MISS M.: I've sent them off to put on their costumes.

MRS. O.: Oh, this is going to be a treat! I just know it!

REV. D.: The students are going to perform for us?

MISS M.: Yes, Sir. They'll just do a few impersonations. Won't you all take these chairs over here? That way, you can see and hear.

REV. D: As I explained earlier, Miss Malory, I'm just desperate for a young man to play the role of Leonardo da Vinci in our church play Sunday evening. Sam Beauchamp was to be da Vinci, but he's in the hospital with this dreadful influenza that's going around.

MISS M.: Don't worry, Reverend. We can find--

REV. D.: It just about kills me to think of having to cancel this little Christmas drama. Its theme and the way its presented is far better than any message I cou1d put together--especially at this late hour!

MISS M.: What is the theme?

REV. D.: It's the idea that every man can and should paint a picture of the Bethlehem Story--one way or another. Each person can show the way to Bethlehem.

MISS M.: Very interesting!

MRS. O.: My little problem is not really a problem. When Reverend Ditchfield called you from the prison, I'm sure he told you that I'm just looking for a Santa Claus!

MISS M.: Yes, Ma'am, he did.

MRS. O.: Every year just before Christmas the judge and I give a party and have a Christmas tree for the little children over at the orphanage. And this year I just decided we ought to have Santa come. I didn't even ask Judge Ollie what he thought!

REV. D.: I'm sure he will like the idea!

MISS M.: Of course he will! We all like to see Santa Claus!

Nicole pokes her head out the COSTUME ROOM door, beckons to Miss Malory.

MISS M.: to guests Excuse me, please. Goes to Nicole.

NICOLE: in whisper to Miss M. That new student has come. Oh, he's so cute! Do you want him to come out and do an impersonation, too? He can, he said.

MISS MALORY: Why yes, of course. Are you all about ready to get started?

NICOLE: We're ready! We drew lots, and I'm first! Closes door.

MISS M.: Ben, they're coming out now.

BEN: I'm ready.

Nicole enters, garbed as "The Old Woman in the Shoe," carrying as many big dolls as her arms will allow. Ben beams the spotlight on her.

NICOLE: I am the old woman who lives in a shoe.
I have so many children I don't know what to do.
There is no broth.
There is no bread.
I'll sing them a song
And put them to bed.

Exits singing.

Rock-a-bye babies, in the shoe top;
If the wind blows, we'll tell it to stop.
Rock-a-bye babies, in the shoe top;
Sweet dreams, sweet dreams! It's now ten o'clock!

Miss M., Mrs. O., and Rev D. clap their hands.

Enter Andy, wearing a modified Jolly Green Giant costume. He carries a large lighted candle. Ben follows him with spotlight.

ANDY: with an elaborate flourish of his hat I am JACK!

Not Jack the Ripper!
Not Jack who climbed the bean stalk!
Not the Jack-of-all-trades!
Not the Jack of Spades, or Clubs, or Hearts, or Diamonds!
I am Jack-the-Nimble! Jack-the-Quick!
Watch me jump this candlestick!

Sets candle on floor, hops over it, grabs it up, runs off stage. Miss M., Mrs. O., and Rev. D. applaud. Enter Katie, as Little-Bo-Peep. Ben turns spotlight on her.

KATIE: in frantic, out of breath manner, as if she has been running

I'm Little-Bo-Peep!
Of course I've lost my sheep!
If you ' see 'em, tell 'em I said to come on home,
Tails or no tails wagging behind 'em! Exits in a run.

Malory, Oliver and Reverend applaud.

Leo saunters in, still in his prison uniform, his face flushed, his manner that of the conquering hero. When Ben turns on the spotlight, he bows to his audience of three as if it numbered three hundred. He does not blink an eye when he sees Rev. D. and Mrs. Oliver. They do not recognize him. He speaks in a bombastic manner.

LEO: Ladies and gentleman! My warmest greetings! Pause To many, Truth is more delightful than Fiction. Therefore, for your pleasure I will tell you a tale. You may judge its Truth, or its Fiction, for yourself.

You see standing before you the eminent hypnotist Leonard Robert Burns, alias "Loonie Leo"--until recently a man numbered with those who wear the stripes, those inmates who spend their days behind bars, such as those poor wretches in the damp, dark state prison next door to this beautiful college campus.

"Loonie Leo" did not like the life of a man in stripes. It made him feel like a zebra! So, he sought a way to escape if not physically, then mentally.

He had a friend in prison known as "Billy the Goat," or simply "Goat." Now "Goat" longed to leave prison, too. Every day he prayed to his God in heaven to get him out. And, to get "Loonie Leo" out, too. But "Loonie" said there was no God, much less a heaven.

"Loonie" read many books. He learned much. One day he chanced upon a volume which traced the art of hypnotism from its origin among ancient wizards and sorcerers down to the present day. Another book gave explicit how-to instructions. That is, how to induce a hypnotic state.

To Loonie's delight, and I might add surprise, he was able to perfect a technique for hypnotizing any person who so desired. This skill proved to be the key to the way his prison life came to an end!

Now, Hypnotist Leonard Robert Burns gives public exhibitions of hypnotism, as well as lectures on this fascinating practice referred to in olden times as "the evil eye." This, the famous hypnotist does for a modest fee! Will you take one of his business cards, please!

Hands card to each in his audience, including Ben.

Give him a call! bows and exits

Miss M., Mrs. O., Rev. D. and Ben are quite taken with Leo. They are enthusiastic with their applause. Three students and Leo return and with Ben take a bow together; there is more applause.

REV. D.: Excellent! Absolutely excellent!

MRS. O.: You're all so talented! Just charming!

Rev. D. seeks out Leo; the two women are quick to go to Andy, Ben, and the two girls. They talk among themselves, laugh.

REV. D.: "Loonie Leo," or whatever your real name is, you would be ideal for the Leonardo da Vinci role!

LEO: The Leonardo da Vinci role? Really? to himself He doesn't recognize me!

REV: with increased enthusiasm Yes! I can see you now as the great Italian artist, standing on stage, before a large canvas--with a painter's palette in one hand a brush in the other-painting the masterpiece!

Executes motions he imagines a painter would use.

Do you have time to do it?

LEO: Sir, time is what I have the most of. to himself I don't know what I may be getting into!

REV. D.: No classes this afternoon?

LEO: No classes.

REV. D.: Good! This is what we can do: You go home with me, now, and we'll go over the script. I'll explain what I can. We'll try the costume on you. Then you can sit right down in my study and start memorizing lines.

LEO: Yes, Sir. That'll be fine.

REV. D.: There are plenty of lines. I warn you. You see, this little drama is about the masterpiece da Vinci did not paint. You'll probably have to study all day Saturday, half the night, and on through Sunday!

LEO: That's all right. I can learn lines! The performance is when?

REV. D.: Sunday evening-at the church. I forgot you weren't in here when we were talking about--

Mrs. Oliver interrupts. Leo jerks down his cap, turns his face so that she can't look directly at him.

LEO: to himself Oh, no! She is the tulip lady!

MRS. O.: with exaggerated concern Oh, Reverend! I'm so disappointed! None of the students can be my Santa Claus! They're all going home for Christmas. What'll I do?

REV. D.: Well, let me think.-- Your party for the orphans is tonight?

MRS. O.: Tonight, at seven o'clock-the same as we've had it for nineteen years! The Friday night before Christmas.

REV. D.: I have the solution. We'll let my Leonardo da Vinci here take off his artist's smock, put on the Santa Suit, and come pass out the presents for you. You could, couldn't you, Son?

LEO: without looking at Mrs. O. Well, uh-- I suppose so. Where will it--

REV. D.: It'll be at the Oliver residence. But that's no problem. You can ride with me and my wife. Judge and Mrs. Oliver are always gracious enough to invite us. Every year.

LEO: I won't have to say anything except a "Ho! Ho! Ho!" now and then, will I?

MRS. O.: That's all, you dear boy!

Leo backs off a pace or two.

LEO: to himself Whew! I thought for a minute she was going to call me "dear Zebra Boy!"

The hall-way bell rings, there is noise and stir as students grab up their books and hurry out.

REV. D.: Then your worries are over, Miss Molly. Your Santa will come with Mattie and me.