Sunbonnet Soliloquy

By Jewell Ellen Smith

Be an Iron Mother

The coming of Mother’s Day prompts me to offer the following piece:

Great Britain’s Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher -- often called “the Iron Lady” -- spoke in the summer of 1982 before a national women’s group meeting in London. And what she told those 500 housewives is a thing to which U.S. Army wives, and other American mothers, should pay some attention.

“I remain totally convinced,” Mrs. Thatcher declared, “that when children are young, however busy we may be... the most important thing of all is to devote enough time and care to their needs and problems.”

Mrs. Thatcher, 60, and the mother of twins, warned that the so-called permissive society has been harmful to women.

“Parents have been told by self-appointed experts that their duties to each other and to their children should be balanced by more emphasis on self-fulfillment,” Mrs. Thatcher continued. “Has that benefited women? Far from it.”

The British Prime Minister didn’t say so, but this “self-fulfillment” philosophy has not benefited children, either. In the past two decades I have seen it harm American children who have been shunted off to nurseries, or left with babysitters, or given latch keys and told to fend for themselves while their mothers have gone off -- with the best intentions -- to chase the “self-fulfillment” mirage or to make money.

Now that high prices are nothing short of a calamity, many young mothers think it their duty to get out and get a job. They want to help their husbands meet expenses.

Too often the result is that this working out just creates more expenses: another car, additional clothes, additional taxes, paying for child care, buying fast foods or eating out because mother is just too tired to cook. So all these factors must be taken into account.

Above all else, consider the child or children.

When children are young, mothers are needed at home -- to wipe away tears that run down little cheeks and to patch up little skinned knees and to soothe little hurt feelings.

But it is not easy being a stay-at-borne mother. On the surface it appears to be a day-in-day-out task that will never end. Too, children can be very difficult. At times, they can be downright annoying. “Young ‘uns can worry the horns off a billygoat” is the way my old grandma used to put it.

Some anonymous child specialist has said this: “If a child annoys you, quiet him by brushing his hair. If this doesn’t work, use the other side of the brush on the other end of the child.”

Seriously, it is difficult to assume and play out the role of the traditional mother who keeps the home fires. As you think about this, it might help to consider that you are one mother in a vast army of mothers all over the world, outwardly different--in appearances, and languages, and customs--and yet much like one another.

You, and each of these millions of mothers, hold the same basic duty in the lives of your children. You watch over, nourish, protect, teach.

The very word “mother” is a basic kinship term. It is “mütter” in German and “madre” in Spanish. Two thousand years ago it was “mater” in Latin and “meter” in Greek. The Sanskrit word is “matr.” Historical linguists say this “mother” word has been with us--almost in its present form--for seven thousand years.

The cares and joys of mothering have been around since Eve. And there are joys. And there is love. Love for children. Love from children.

The British “Iron Lady” didn’t mention love to the women she gave the warning to in London. But another great Englishman of another century, Charles Dickens, made it plain in his writings. He said it this way:

“I love these little people; and it is not a slight thing, when they, who are so fresh from God, love us.”

So, young mother, be an “Iron Mother.” Be strong enough to stay at home and take care of your little ones from God.

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The opinions expressed in this article are of the author and not the editor, magazine, or organization.

(At the end of this piece Mrs. Smith has penciled, “This ‘Iron Mother’ piece was rejected the first time submitted. I simply waited a while and sent it in again, for I felt strongly that truly a young mother’s place is the home. --J. E. S.)

Published May 1986. Click your browser’s “Back” button to return.