Sunbonnet Soliloquy

By Jewell Ellen Smith

Home Survey - A Quiet Hell?

These days everybody and his cousin is making a survey, of one sort of another. One of the newest, as described in the newspapers through the Associated Press, declares that “Marriage is a ‘quiet hell’ for about half of American couples.”

The same survey showed that “wives start most fights between spouses ... women complain more about their marriage than men ... and, men marry women less intelligent than themselves while women seek ‘smarter’ partners.

Are these things true?

Surely not! The survey questions must have been slanted. Anyway, those findings would not apply to Army wives like us.

Yet, it might be well to make out a simple questionnaire on our own and find out if there is ever “quiet hell” at our house, if we girls start fights and complain, and if, sure enough, our smart husbands were looking for -- and found -- real dumb bunnies!

Before you start phrasing the questions for your private survey, you might keep in mind that a hell can’t be hell without devils. For this reason you may want the first section to read as follows:

1. My home could become a quiet hell because: (check one blank)

A. I have a bit of the devil in me. ___

B. My husband has a bit of the devil in him. ___

C. Neither of us has a halo, or wings. ___

Make the second question on this order:

2. If my husband were asked to consider the following three quotations and to pick the one which most reminds him of me, he would check:

A. (Proverbs 21.9) “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.” ___

B. (Martin Luther) “The highest gift and favor of God is a pious, kind, godly, and domestic wife, with whom you can live peaceably, and to whom you can intrust all your possessions, indeed, your body and your life.” ___

C. (John Barrymore) “The way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run.” ___

Have the third section of the questionnaire deal with how you handle minor disagreements that come up in your house from time to time. The questions should not emphasize who starts arguments, or what the quarrels are about. Rather, have it go something like this:

3. When there is a misunderstanding or wrangle of any kind at our house, I do one, or more, of the following things:

A. I put on a snarl, not a smile. ___

B. I don’t hesitate to say exactly what I think. ___

C. I make it a point to have the last word. ___

D. In an effort to stop my husband from quarreling I tell him how stupid he is. ___

E. l am the first to say “Let’s bury the tomahawk!” That is, when I can manage to leave a little tip of the handle sticking out so I can scratch it up again, if necessary. ___

F. Before I open my mouth and start shouting, I quote to myself the proverb “A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger.” ___

Let the final section of your survey deal with why the two of you ever decided to exchange wedding rings and vows. Word the question this way:

4. My husband chose me to be his wife because: (check one or more)

A. He saw in me qualities that would wear well. ___

B. He thought that I was beautiful. ___

C. He thought I was sexy. ___

D. He liked my always cheerful disposition. ___

E. He knew I could help him in his career. ___

F. He believed I would make an equal partner through all joys and sorrows, till the end of our days. ___

If you can do up this questionnaire, and answer the questions thoughtfully and truthfully, it just might help you to make your home something of a “quiet heaven.”

And your husband will be proud that he married a wife very smart! Sweet, too. Sweet as an angel!

Published October 1979. Click your browser’s ‘Back’ button to return.